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It is with the greatest joy that we present our new daughter. Kathleen Emma Xinxin was born November 19th, 2007 which makes her 13 months old. This also makes her 17 months younger than Evan and 29 months younger than Miriam. She is from Luohe, Henan province, China. She was born with a Cleft lip (repaired) and palate. We don't know much about her, but she is said to be quiet with a ready smile and loves music. Let me tell you about her new name. Kathleen is my middle name and is for my grandmother Katie. Emma is a name we liked. Xinxin is Mandarin and means "faith". All together her new name means "Pure complete Faith".
We hope to travel to China in 3-4 months. Here are two pictures of our littlest sweetheart!

I am trilled to anounce we have PA! I want to write a proper post but I'm on the cellphone for internet. I'll tell you all about our baby girl very son!

While I'm still thinking about it, I wanted to share something that happened on Dec 7th.  The week of Thanksgiving was a VERY rough emotional week for me. Truly, what you read on this blog does not do it justice. The week following was slightly better, but still far from easy. So it was in a state of emotional angst that I found myself sitting in church the morning of Dec 7th. As I sat there struggling with my fears and anxieties, my loving Father sent me a sign in the form of a little red ladybug. For those who don't know, the ladybug has been adopted by the Chinese adoption community as a good luck charm, and it is said that people see ladybugs before referrals are sent from China. So there I sat in my dark little corner, half-heartedly listening to the songs and words around me, telling God all about how I was feeling. All of a sudden, I realized that I was staring at a ladybug slowly wondering her way around the collar of the man sitting in front of me. A ladybug, in the cold of December, in a church building inches from me. As I looked at it, I knew it was a sign sent for me. And in a moment I knew it's message. No, there was no voice, but I felt the whisper to my soul. It was simply "PEACE".

Yippie!!! We just got the word. Our Letter of Intent to adopt (LOI) has been logged in to the system in China. So, we are officailly LOI 12/12/08! Step one complete! Now we wait for pre-approvel (PA). The agency has sent me MORE paperwork to do!! ACK! I'm so sick of paperwork! But at least now I know WHO all this paperwork is for! :)

On a lighter note, Miriam ask tonight "When are you going to get baby Katie so you can hold her?" When people ask her if she is getting a little sister, she says, "Yes, and Evan is (getting one) too!"  Yup, she is a good big sister!

And that's all I can say right now!

I seek my happiness in the Lord, and he gives me my heart's desire! Psalm 37:4

The Lord is good; for His mercy, tender kindness and syeadfast love endure forever. Jeremiah 33:11

Well, today marks 23 months since we turned in our paperwork to our agency and begin waiting for a referral. Not counting the time we were on hold due to Brian's job loss, we have now waited 16 months. That is one of the longest waits ever with our agency. Things are not looking good for us to even see our child's face before Christmas.

I'm actually doing better than I thought I might. I've been busy organizing our church's Christmas gifts for children who won't be getting much this year. And like they say, the best way to forget your own sorrows is to help someone else.

China's orphanage "donation" fee has been raised to 35,000 yaun effective Jan 1st, 2009. Which means we will now have to come up with between $2,000-2,100 more then we expected. Sigh.

I found another wonderful organization, Mocha Club. Check it out.

Check out this video too. 

In case anyone is wondering, I'm still here.  I've written a few posts lately that haven't been publish or that I removed after a short while mainly because they are uncensored and dark... and I don't know that I want that out in public.

Anyway, yesterday marked 2 months since we took our file off hold. I can not believe we are still waiting after 2 months. I never expected that.  Next Tuesday marks 23 months that we have been waiting for our referral. Unbelievable. I never expected to type such a crazy thing! Next Thursday marks TWO YEARS since our dossier was logged in in the Non-special needs line in China. Had we intended to adopt a non-special needs child, I would not be surprised by this at all.... but that was never our intent. It is inconceivable to me that not only is my daughter not home in my arms, but I have yet to even see her face!! Talk about unmet expectations. Talk about shattered hopes. Talk about unfulfilled dreams.

There are some lies that adoptive parents feed themselves and each other. One of them is that once you have your referral (or child) you forget all about the wait. Maybe that is true for some, but that is not my truth and I think if more were honest they would admit it's not true for them either. I think the truth is more like a bad labor and delivery experience. You never forget, but with time enough of the worst fades so that your desire for another child overpowers your painful memories and you're willing to try again hoping that "this time it will be different".  There are other lies, but I don't want to get burned at the stake today so I'll keep my thoughts to myself.

One thing I've really come to see in this journey is that it is ALL about expectations. As long as you have not waited longer than you expected, waiting isn't hard (at least not REALLY hard), but the hour you go over what you expect, all bets are off. The wait becomes more than hard.... it becomes painful to a degree I can not even describe. So truly it is not about how long you have waited, but if you waited longer than you expected to.  

Momma: Miriam it's time to put on your pajamas.
Miriam in the middle of the weeping and whaling that ensued: I'm NOOOOOOT happy!!!
Really? I would never have guessed!

Heard over and over as Miriam circled the extension cord: It's not a toy, It's not a toy!!

The scene: Kitchen table, Momma has just scolded Miriam for smearing peanut butter all over the table.
Miriam: It's NOT funny!
Momma: Well, I am certainly not laughing!
Miriam: I'm not laughing either!

The scene: Miriam and Evan are playing with the train set
Evan: WAHHHHH! SISSY!! CHOOCHOO!!! WAAAAAAAHHHHHH!
Momma: Miriam, why did you take Evan's train track when there is a whole pile here?
Miriam: Because Evan needs to share with me!
Oy!