Kids humor

Overheard at the dinner table.

Miriam: What can I be when I grow up?
Momma: Well, you can be lots of things...
Miriam: I don't want to be lots of things. I just want to be four
things. I want to be an inventor. And a superhero. And a firefighter.
And a doctor.
Miriam: Evan just wants to be a farmer.
Momma: Oh, really, you want to be a farmer Evan?
Evan: Yup. (pause) And a Grandpa!

Share it??

The octopus strikes again!  Katie still takes her naps in our bedroom
since Miriam usually does not nap during rest time. In there her crib is
next to Brian's dresser. Apparently today she rocked the crib over a
few inches to it and reached around and opened the top drawer. She then
helped herself to a pair of Daddy's dress socks. When I walked into the
room to get her after nap, she was sitting in the crib wearing one of
the socks pulled all the way up past her knee! She looked up at me and
smiled and said, "Daddy share sock!". Um, is that what we call it now?

Our dog Snoopy has a very bad habit of running away. He could have been Houdini dog! Seriously.
But today Miriam has found the solution to keeping him in our yard...

Miriam: Momma, I'll put up a sign to keep Snoopy in our yard.
Momma: What?
Miriam: I'll put up lots and lots of STOP signs in our yard so Snoopy will stop and not run away.
Momma: But Miriam, Snoopy can't read.
Miriam: I'll teach him.
Momma: But Miriam, dogs can't learn to read.
Miriam in her 4 going on 14 voice: Of COURSE, they can, Momma!

Well, DUH! Guess she told me!

Momma: "Evan, when Momma says, 'Come here', you do NOT answer 'WHAT?!?'  You are to say 'coming Momma.'"

Evan: "Yes, Momma"

Momma: "So when Momma says, 'Come here', what do you say?"

Evan: "Be patient."

Momma: ....

Awhile ago I made up a silly song for Evan, and yesterday inspiration struck again!

Here is "Does Your Katie Growl?" (to the tune of "Do your ears hang low?"):

Does your Katie growl? Does she
fuss and does she howl? Does she always want up? Does she never go
down? Does she holler? Does she scream? Does she often make a scene?
Does your Katie growl?? .... Mine does

Once upon a time, there were three bandanas who set out to make their way in the wide world. As it so happened they were bought by the same woman who took them home to her three children.

The pink bandana was given to the youngest child who used it to play peek-a-boo.

The purple bandana was given to the eldest child who used it to carry her "baby", Sleepy Puppy, on her back just like Momma carries baby Katie.

The blue bandana was given to the son who used it as his cape while he flew around the room as SUPER EVAN!!

And they all lived happily ever after!

And as a result the children have been watching way more TV then I normally allow. How do I know? Witness this exchange:
Miriam: (runs in to room all excited) "Momma, Momma, Mr Rogers is on!!"
Momma: "That's nice, sweetie"
Miriam: "I'm SOO happy, I'm going to go hug the TV!!"

Not much going on here... just waiting. Waiting on visa's which should arrive midweek next week. Waiting on travel approval... hopefully that will be here by next Friday. I'm finding to hard to get motivated to do the stuff I need to do as a result. I need to clean my house well and put up 2 months of frozen meals, but no motivation here. :)

I'll leave you with a few Miriam-isms.
Heard a lot lately. "Oh no, what are we gon'ah do now?"
Heard when she wants to cuddle with me. "I want to be hers with you."  Apparently when we are apart we are not "hers".

Oh, there is one piece of posible good news. Hopefully by Tuesday we will have a new picture of our baby girl. Another family is traveling to pick up their son at her SWI and will ask to see her and get pictures. *fingers crossed*

Today has been a wealth of Miriam-isms. Since they are too cute, I'm going to share!

Miriam was playing her toy violin (which will play 18 different songs) over and over and over at the top of the stairs trying to get Grandpa to come up and play with her. Right now the batteries in this toy are almost gone so it doesn't sound the best at times. Miriam was whining about this when she turned to us and said "Ooooooh, it's the sound of mourning!" George and I had to agree that it did indeed sound like mourning. To be fair, she could have meant "morning", but it was really too funny the other way.

Conversation between Grandpa George and Miriam following reading a book about a goldfish.
Miriam: "My fish aren't goldfish."  (This is true. They are Beta fish.) "They are red and blue."
Grandpa: agreed with her
Miriam: "They like to look at their selves in the mirror."
Pause
Miriam: "Maybe they are self-fish!"

Seriously, I love this kid!

Momma: Miriam it's time to put on your pajamas.
Miriam in the middle of the weeping and whaling that ensued: I'm NOOOOOOT happy!!!
Really? I would never have guessed!

Heard over and over as Miriam circled the extension cord: It's not a toy, It's not a toy!!

The scene: Kitchen table, Momma has just scolded Miriam for smearing peanut butter all over the table.
Miriam: It's NOT funny!
Momma: Well, I am certainly not laughing!
Miriam: I'm not laughing either!

The scene: Miriam and Evan are playing with the train set
Evan: WAHHHHH! SISSY!! CHOOCHOO!!! WAAAAAAAHHHHHH!
Momma: Miriam, why did you take Evan's train track when there is a whole pile here?
Miriam: Because Evan needs to share with me!
Oy!

First a big thank you to all who have been so encouraging and have kept us in your thoughts and prayers. I'm doing ok... mostly. The right thing isn't always easy and it doesn't always *feel* right. So while I know we made the right decision I still feel really sad sometimes too.

However, I am very thankful for the two beautiful children I have. They are so sweet and WAY too cute, not that I'm bias or anything!  So in their honor a few recent funnies:

Momma was busy raking up leaves and Miriam was busy trying to play in them. A frustrated Miriam ask, "Momma, can you play somewhere else please?"

Miriam during a recent infestation of gnats: "Momma, I'm going to use the 'fly water' to hit the flies!"

Poor Evan.  He learned his first lesson about female behavior today.

Miriam woke up today rather grumpy.  Evan had two books of hers and was running around with them.  I asked him to return them to her room where they belong.  As he was doing this, she called after him, "One book, Please!!"  He kept going and yelled "NO!!" over his shoulder.  Immediately, she turned on the tears... full out fake crying!  Poor Evan fell for it.  He came back and offered her both books. While she DID stop crying, she humphed and turned away refusing to take either book.  Evan offered each book in turn and each time she humphed and turned away.  Poor Evan. He looked at me with a look of complete confusion and exasperation.  Sorry dude... it just gets worse.  As your father said, "You're never going to understand and you're rarely going to win!" (Hummm... should I be offended by that???)

Miriam after hearing "Jack and the Beanstalk": "I'm a giant!! Three! Five! Four!"

Momma: "Fee Fi Foe Fum?"

Miriam: "NO, NO, NO!! Three! Five! Four!!!"

Miriam to Momma: "You can cry, and I can be a dinosaur!"

This morning I got the kids their morning cup of juice... they only get one cup of juice a day.  They weren't drinking as much as usual, but I didn't really think about it.  At breakfast, Miriam started complaining about it and saying "It burns!" I told her it wasn't hot but she kept insisting it "burns".  So I took the cup and smelled it.  Yeah, smelled a bit off, so I took a drink. UUUUHHHH!  Good.

Miriam saw a rake the other day.  Not remembering what it was called she came up with a new name: leaf fighter.  Love it!

Miriam sobbing: "My brain hurts!! My brain hurts!" while rubbing her knee.

While Evan was getting a much needed diaper change, Miriam kept rubbing a pen cap in his hair which upset him.  Momma asked her to stop.  Miriam replied, "I have to color Evan's hair!"

Conversation with Miriam last week.

Miriam: "Who this?" (points to self)

Mommy: "Miriam?"

Miriam: "No!  I Sissy! That's Brother." (points to Evan)

Mommy: "That's right Miriam.  Evan is your little brother and you are his big sister."

Mommy: "Do you want a little sister?"

Miriam: (pause) "Not really." 

Miriam and Evan created an interesting game tonight. Miriam would fall over and then call out "Evan, you get up." Evan would run over to her, grab her by the shoulders, and while saying "Up, up, up, up" would pull her to her feet. Miriam would then fall over again, and it all repeated. After about the 6th time of hauling his sister to her feet, Evan looked at me and heaved a loud sigh. It was all way too cute. And I still can't believe he actually was able to get pull her up!

You know it's a bad day when your stuffed puppy mauls you!

This little guy has been seen "mauling" Miriam lately. Well, at least, she has been seen running around the house screaming and telling Sleepy to "STOP!" while he continues to attack her face. Seriously, how bad is it when you stuffed puppy turns on you?

P.S. To be fair, it is also possible that Sleepy is simply licking her since she has been known to exclaim during an attack, "No lick you Sleepy!"

Heard at the breakfast table after Miriam is offered egg with a bit of cooked yolk in it:

"MOMMA! I no like yellow!!" 

Heard at our house today..

"It's okay Momma, vacuum cleaner will hurt you." While she meant to say "won't" not "will", her little slip actually reveals her own great fear of the vacuum cleaner. Which explains the loud wailing and gnashing of teeth abundant tears earlier in the day when I ran the vacuum for 2 minutes. And I thought she was finally over this....

So in the process of learning to talk like all kids Miriam says some cute stuff. One of the latest involves diaper rash cream. At first she saw the white stuff going on Evan's bottom and called it "ice cream". I corrected her, but the wires still got crossed. She now talks about "diaper ICE cream"!!
So then I tell Brian the cute little story. He looks at me very seriously and asks. "What do you call diaper ice cream?" His answer? "Frosty!"

So Saturday lunch was a little late since we had been outside dumping sand on each other... I mean, enjoying a nice fall day. Due to the late lunch and/or having to leave the sand pile, both of my children were very whiny. They continued to whine all the way through lunch. At one point, Miriam was whining that she wanted ham not the turkey she had. When I told her I didn't have ham to give her, she REALLY started to whine. At which point, I joked to Brian...

Yup, we hear that phrase a lot around here. Miriam has a habit of verbally correcting herself when she messes up a name or description of something. For example, she might describe a toy as blue then say "No, not blue, GREEN!"
She also can not resist bossing her brother around. Makes for interesting times.
She put all this to good use today after being mildly reprimanded for baby talking. I heard her tell Evan, "NO, not 'Dada', DADDY!!" Poor Evan...

We're a football family. At least as far as watching sports goes. Brian tends to really get into the games and yell things at the TV. Thankfully nothing bad. :)
Anyway... this last weekend we were able to watch the last Colt's preseason game. Brian did his normal yelling. No one thought more of it. That is until a commercial for the next game came on later.
Miriam took one look at it. And started yelling. "GO!! GO!! GO!! GO!!! YES!! YES!!"
Too cute!

Miriam (sing): "Daddy! Daddy! God made me!! Mommy! Mommy! God made me!!"
Mommy: "Yes, He did sweetheart, and what a good job He did too!"
Miriam: "Thank you!"

Well, it finally happened... I knew it would and it did the other night. To understand this story you need to know that Miriam has her own cell phone given to her by her daddy. It's a real phone, but it doesn't have service so no big deal if she dials a number. Well, except for ONE phone number, have you guessed it yet?

As I watch this little girl grow everyday, I see more and more what an incredible, amazing little person she is. I am blessed beyond words to have been given the honor of being her mother. Here are a few recent Miriam stories.
Their first argument