Parenting

Earlier this year I started both Miriam and Evan on doing daily chores. For the most part this has gone well, but Miriam needed a little motivation. Especially, in the good attitude department! It seems at age 5 chores are no longer "fun". Sooooo... enter the Reward Chart. Each child gets a sticker for doing their chore to the best of their ability and with a good attitude. (For the record, not doing the chore is not an option!) Anyway, Miriam gets to watch a movie during the younger kids rest/nap time, IF she has 4+ stickers on a given day. Then if at the end of the week she has 4+ days of 4+ stickers, she gets ice cream as a treat. Right now Evan only earns stickers (he gets ice cream if Miriam does). We are two weeks into this system, and it is working pretty well so far!  Here are picture of the charts, including the chore charts which list what they need to do.

Note: "School Work" is listed on Miriam's chart not because it is a chore, but to help her have a good attitude and to work hard.  "Dry Night" is listed on Evan's just to encourage him (and he has been doing really well!)

One of those things that we have struggled with as Christian parents is that pesky little holiday at the end of the month of October. I was raised without any acknowledgment of Halloween and never dressed up or when trick-or-treating. Brian was allowed to dressed and t-n-t, but still it was not a good holiday. Interestingly enough, I am actually the one with the least hang ups over the kids dressing up. At this point, we do not want to celebrate Halloween and all it's dark meanings, but this year we did dress the kids up for a few party type things in the week prior. I'm not sure exactly what we'll do in the years to come, but I would love to see some type of celebration of All Hallows Eve and All Saints Day. But who knows.

Anyway a few picture of our Princess, Cowboy, and the Ladybug!

First can I just say who ever said boys are harder to train than girl does NOT know my children! Evan has been so much easier then Miriam (not that she was difficult). I am happy to report he has been out of diapers during the day for a month now. I think we've had two accidents the whole time!! WOOHOO, Evan!! We are still working to get poop in the potty. He holds it until he gets a diaper for nap or night. But I can live with that... for a little while.

Well, it's actually a little over a month since Katie's Gotcha day and a little under a month since we're home so I thought I would split the difference. :)

Few things have actually just happened over the last few days that tell me we have reached a new level with Katie. Yesterday for the first time since she has been with us, Katie actually cried when hurt! For those who don't know anything about adoption and institutionalized children, this is a huge thing! Before yesterday, she would never do more then whimper and rub the area with her hand. Crying means she now realizes that there is a REASON to cry... someone cares that she is hurt, someone will respond. My baby is starting to get it... she has a Momma now, and Momma cares! Even better then the crying is that yesterday for the very first time she LET me comfort her!!! Didn't ask for comfort (that's the next step), but she finally allowed it!! Thank you God!

The other thing that happened yesterday is that for the first time I got her to take a step. She would only do one at a time and it was more often a falling step, but she trusted me enough to catch her when she fell to try as she stepped into my arms. And, speaking of trust, she is starting to reach for Brian to pick her up too! WooHoo! :)

Then today we had another breakthrough. She woke up from her nap and played happily in her crib for 5 minutes until I got to her. Previously, as soon as she woke up the screaming started until Momma picked her up.

Little by little our girl is learning what having a family means! So exciting! Next month, May 11th to be exact, we will be taking her to see the craniofacial team.  I'm excited to hear what they have to say and get a general idea how our treatment plan will change since she doesn't have a full cleft palate.

In other family news.... Momma is potty training Evan. Normally I would wait a few more months, but dude is outgrowing all his pants! Those cloth diapers take up more room then underwear. :) We're taking the day off today, little dude is sick with a temp of 102. Poor guy! :(

WOW. That's all I can say about this powerful poem writen by Dorothy of Urban Servant.

What can I teach you about being Black?
Not much,
Because I'm not.
But a I can teach you about pain,
And how to forgive peoples foolish words.
I can show you how to endure suffering,
So that through it Truth will be proclaimed.
I can love you and cry with you,
I can be the she-bear when you are threatened.
We can live where there is a rainbow of people,
and we can learn to love them together.
We can seek out the truth of history,
And not be afraid of the ugliness.
I can open your heart and your eyes
To the painful reality that comes
clinging to the back of sin.

And in the end,
I can release you into your destiny,
And wait for you to come home,
With a fuller understanding of who you are
and what you are to be in your life.
Then I can listen as you teach me,
What it means to be Black.

Today was a very frustrating day at story time. Or should I say after story time. We always stay awhile. I look for books both for fun and for preschool and the kids play with the toys.  In the past there have been times another kid might grab a train or lego from one of mine or Miriam might do the same to another kid, but parents have always been close and the incident was a one time expression of normal preschool/toddler play. Today, however, was different. We had our first run in with the Library Brat also know as the play ground bully. For whatever reason she targeted Miriam. It started innocently enough. Miriam had attached to a book she found (this usually happens) and was carrying it around. All of a sudden Miriam came running to me sobbing her heart out, this little girl had her book. At the time, I thought Miriam had laid it down and the other girl picked it up. In any case, the mother was near by and when the little girl admitted taking the book, she made her give it back. Well, 15-20 minutes pass, Miriam is happily playing with the trains, when the little Brat moves in for her revenge. She would wait until Miriam was across from me and then would run up and knock all of Miriam's trains off the track. She wasn't taking them to play with them, she was just purposefully grabbing them and throwing them to mess with Miriam. Now Miriam *IS* a bit of a Drama Princess so she would scream when The Brat did this. I hushed her and helped her pick her trains back up. Well, this happened no less then 5 times. The second to last time, The Brat ran in grabbing trains and throwing them and as Miriam screamed "stop", she grabbed one out of Miriam's hand and throw it across the play area. Miriam was at the end of her patience, so she pushed The Brat. Of course, I stepped in to stop Miriam from really laying her out like she deserved. As I helped Miriam pick up her trains, I did something I've never done before... indirectly lecture someone else's child while talking to mine! "Miriam you can't push other people, EVEN IF THEY'RE MEAN and THROW YOUR TRAINS ON THE GROUND!!" You get the idea. All this time, Library Brat's mother was too busy talking to her friend to pay attention to her Brat's actions. Finally, on the last attack, Miriam screamed so loud that Mommy Dearest couldn't ignore The Brat anymore. She swoops in with the "oh, is MacKayLynnion taking trains?" routine, I was too mad to say the expected nice, "Oh, she's fine! Miriam, give little MacKayLynnion some of your trains."  And since I'm too polite to say, "Would you keep your BRAT from attacking my daughter!!"  I said nothing at all!

Poor Evan has his first major "little boy battle scar"! He and Sissy where playing twirling Dervish which, of course, ended in "we all fall down!"  Things were fine until Evan literally took a nose dive into the Ikea chair.  I didn't even know the chair has a corner on it!! But my boy (and his nose) found that wooden corner! I knew we were in trouble when I saw it happen... the screams and blood confirmed my fears.  

The first thought into my head was "Oh crap, my son has broken his nose and is going to need stitches!  WHAT am I going to do with Miriam?? It's NAP time!!" My second thought was "DOUBLE crap, I haven't taken a shower today and my hair looks like an oil slick." Isn't it good to know I have my priorities straight? :-)

Then as I'm running around the house... think up and down stairs with screaming, bleeding child in arms... frantically looking for a 4x4 or 2x2 or ANY kind of gauze, it hits me.  What is the point of being a nurse and working at a hospital if you can't remember to rip off some gauze before you quit!?!?!  It also hits me that as the mother of a boy (and to be fair a crazy girl) I really need a "cut-and-bleeding-profusely" emergency kit.

Anyway, I finally get the bleeding mostly stopped (without the help of gauze) and assess that the nose is not broken. Cleaning the wound reveals, that while nasty and likely to scar, it isn't deep enough for stitches. (Whew... that was close.  Mental note to self, take shower FIRST thing in AM instead of waiting until nap time!) This is where I sure wished I had ripped off some steri-strips or a few butterflies... Then the wonderful Aunt Jen both reminds me I can MAKE a butterfly bandaid out of a regular one AND offers to come over and help me get it on Evan. Whew.

So thirty minutes later a very tired Evan was sporting two butterflies holding his cut closed and a Curious George bandaid over it all.  The boy did great.  The momma did ok sans the cuss words (but at least they were just in my head!) And the nose... well, it may never be quite the same, especially since 2 year olds aren't known for leaving bandaids on!   

I'm really almost afraid to say it.... BUT Miriam is finally daytime potty trained.  Praise the Lord!!! WOOOHOOO!!

Last Monday night she just decided she wanted to sit on the potty and she did every 15 minutes for about 2 hours... then SUCCESS, for the first time since that wonderful day the end of June! The rest of the week she went at least once or twice a day, but we also had a few accidents and I didn't think she really knew when she needed to go. Then Saturday the light went on... she went to the potty all by herself. I didn't even know she was in there until I heard "MOMMA!! I PEED!!" Then half an hour later she also put poopoo in the potty all on her own.  We have not had an accident since then.

In the process of diligently applying the SPF 60 sunscreen to two little ones anxious to get on their flotation gear and get into the pool, a mother is very likely to forget to apply said sunscreen to her own left shoulder. She will be very aware of this by nightfall.

So out of the blue Miriam has started biting! Last Friday we were out in a public place where she couldn't run loose like a wild animal, so I made her hold my hand.  She got tired of the "dead weight game" not working and bit me! Then yesterday she bit poor Evan on the cheek. He came to me crying and holding his cheek, saying "Sissy bie!! Sissy bie!!" And there was the proof of what he was saying for all to see! Then today in the space of 10 minutes she bit him twice, once on the cheek and once on the back! Where did this come from??

If you were wondering about what that light was, I have the answer: It was a train. A train in the form of urine, feces, a child who figured out the child safty latch on the cleaning cabinet (must deal with that ASAP), a bottle of Lysol, toys & floor covered in Lysol, a good number of tears (mostly mine), and a few swear words. Yeah, it was a bad train. All I can say is a certain little girl will be wearing diapers until I have the patience to deal with her again, and that will be a very long time.

at the end of the potty training tunnel!  Oh, please, PLEASE, don't be a train!!!

Miriam kept her panties dry all morning with three pee pees in the potty!!  To be fair, this was the result of Momma putting her on the potty every hour to hour and a half, BUT in the past that never worked. ALSO, she asked to sit on the potty and 5 minutes later we had our first EVER poop in the potty!! WOOOHOOOOOOOOO!! Oh, please let this keep up!! 

This morning I got the kids their morning cup of juice... they only get one cup of juice a day.  They weren't drinking as much as usual, but I didn't really think about it.  At breakfast, Miriam started complaining about it and saying "It burns!" I told her it wasn't hot but she kept insisting it "burns".  So I took the cup and smelled it.  Yeah, smelled a bit off, so I took a drink. UUUUHHHH!  Good.

Evan has been having a rough transition to being two and to his Daddy (who hung the moon and stars in his mind) getting a new job.  It's been a rough two weeks as a result.  But I learned something new... Evan, who never much liked the sling, is a different little boy after just ten minutes of being strapped to Mommy in the Mei tai.  I think that says how far he has come attachment wise!  Being close to me centers him and calms him... that was once, even a few months ago, not true.  Since we're taking about slings, let me tell you how I came to have one. ;)

Let me count the ways! As some have been forced to hear before, potty training is hands down the WORST thing about parenting so far. I hate it. I HATE it. I hate IT! Unfortunately I also am tired of changing diapers... and washing them... and folding them... and changing them... and washing them... etc. I truly am at a loss to understand how a child as intelligent as my almost three year old can be so at lost as to what to do on a potty. La sigh.

I have a really bad feeling about something.  You see Miriam has been a very easy two year old... not that she hasn't had a "moment" here or there but they have been short and few.  No, no terrible twos here.  She's going to be three soon and about two weeks ago someone flipped a switch.  The level of whine and fit throwing is unprecedented in this house. A simple "wait a second" results in a full out tantrum to say nothing of a "no".  Yeah, the terrible threes are headed our way!  But that's not what worries me...

I read a lot of blogs and especially love the blogs of large families.  I've noticed a number of moms of many talk about keeping order by requiring that their children pick up the toy they have been playing with before getting another one out.  Well, this sounds great, but how to get a 1 and 2 year old to do it?  I started by putting "special" toys (mostly ones with smaller parts that are easy to loss like puzzles and blocks) in a cabinet with a lock.  I offer one of these toys but tell the kids we have to pick up first and then help them pick up the toys.  Miri